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ann
14 March 2009 @ 09:24 am
drunk posts are always funny. hahahaha i had a good laugh looking at the post from last night.
it really was fun, though. and yes, i did wake up on time and get to work nice and early, albeit a bit dehydrated. that's okay, i'm remedying that with a nice big bottle of cool Fiji water, yum. now if only i could get a bowl of rare steak pho with extra limes, no cilantro or white onions.. life would be SWEET.
 
 
ann
27 December 2008 @ 12:38 am
god, i fucking love being on break.
i get to sit around all day and do NOTHING. watch tv, stay up as late as i like, play games.. all without a care in the world. if only i could do this and earn money at the same time. oh right, and not get fat. (although that wouldn't be too difficult considering i would probably be too lazy even to get food).

i got the highest GPA that i've ever gotten at Berkeley this semester, with 2 A-'s and one Pass. hell yes. definitely abused that Pass/No Pass privilege - would totally have gotten KILLED by that stupid pchem lab class. oh well, no matter, it's over now! and hopefully next semester.. well, hopefully i find out from some medical school and i just have to worry about passing everything.. wouldn't it be nice..
 
 
ann
24 December 2008 @ 10:35 pm
re: cookies
sweet, fatty deliciousness.
 
 
ann
24 December 2008 @ 09:29 pm
i have discovered a new love for edamame (green soybeans in the pod). in fact, my love for it is SO great that i've been eating boiled edamame for lunch this entire week. (or maybe that's just because there hasn't been anything else in the house for me to attack. good thing. perhaps i shall try this method when i go back to berkeley.)

it's christmas eve, but i'm not excited to open gifts this year. maybe it's because i know already that i'm not going to get what i really want (i.e. an iPhone). but it does make me wonder what i'm going to get instead, because my parents usually haven't disappointed in the past. they've managed to get better at surprising me over the years, but that's definitely due in part to my absence for the majority of the year and my presence for less than half the year. hmm .. well, we'll see about that. i bought my mother this expensive anti-aging stuff (which she asked for) and my dad the DVD set of BBC's Planet Earth (with ulterior motives, because i plan on putting it to use on the giant 42" high definition plasma screen downstairs), so hopefully the returns for my efforts will be good. (is that too selfish? to want something back from gifts? i suppose not completely, since i feel that everyone has this in mind when purchasing gifts - it always feels nice to have the feeling reciprocated, unless you know that the other person is literally incapable of returning the favor, i.e. poor and/or homeless).

i'm going to make sugar cookies. i really hope they don't turn out crispy, because nothing ruins a good christmas eve like a burnt cookie.
 
 
ann
23 December 2008 @ 02:05 am
hmm.. that was fun. except for the whole feeling a little bit fake part. otherwise, pluses, in no particular order (although one might be able to read somewhat into the order) alcohol - good, relatively. location - not too far. going with my best friend - great. looking hot because i haven't been eating much lately and i don't feel like a fatass cow - good.

minuses - not recognizing people (lol a sign of senility? possibly. though i'm not taking it as a big loss, since if i've forgotten about them, they probably weren't worth remembering), general crowdedness (created from trying to stuff way too many people into a tinyass bar), seeing Ashwin (playing the pretentious douchebag character as per usual), seeing Cheryl (whom, as much as i tried to avoid, kept coming back around. wtf, can't take a hint? i obviously didn't say hi to you first for a reason. that's right, i knew you were standing there and i still didn't say hi. i saw you leave, too - finally, some relief.)

neutral - people who i didn't speak to at all in high school suddenly talking to me like i've known them for years. it's weird, suddenly these people who were only my facebook friends are coming to life! it was an overall weird experience, as if characters in a book that you know is fictional suddenly come to life in reality and then i'm able to talk to them. okay, so maybe facebook friends and fictional characters isn't the best analogy. whatever, it somehow just feels non-real. surreal is probably the word i'm looking for. probably. but i digress. i don't know what to make of that situation. it was interesting. i suspect i'll be over it within about 30 minutes. in fact, i'll probably forget most of the evening by the time i wake up tomorrow afternoon. and i abso-fucking-lutely love it. see what i did there? it's called "tmesis." that's right, bitch - tmesis. what a gangster word. now, if only i could be as gangster.
 
 
ann
12 December 2008 @ 07:33 pm
seriously, caffeine is a wonder drug. (not the best i've had, but i won't get into that at the moment..)
i just feel so much more alive when i'm awake. i've been trying to cut back my caffeine intake so i won't build a tolerance to it, but my, does it really give me a feeling of productivity. i feel like i can conquer the world when i actually have the energy to keep going. suddenly everything doesn't seem so daunting. my tasks seem doable, and i don't feel trapped... stifled would probably be the more accurate description. i feel almost free... which often makes me wonder - if i feel THIS good on caffeine, i wonder what it would feel like on speed. or adderall. not to say that i would actually consider trying these harder drugs, but i am curious as to what it would feel like, then. would it be too much for me? would i not like it? this is probably where the whole "curiosity killed the cat" principle applies (although calling it a principle is a bit of a stretch). my philosophy is usually to try everything at least once before i make a judgment about it. but what happens when if this trial has long-term consequences? what if i like it? but then again, what if i don't? something i'll have to consider more as i enter my last semester of college, more than likely the last chance that i'll have to try these "things," that is, unless med students are hardcore adderall addicts (which would be the epitome of irony).

in other news, i think i'm a shopaholic. but i already suspected this for a while. at least i can take comfort in the fact that i try to stay within my limits... somewhat.

hmm, there was something else i wanted to write about. but i can't remember at the moment. i shall return when it hits me.
 
 
ann
08 December 2008 @ 01:27 pm
ugh  

i will get into medical school.
i will get into medical school.
i will get into medical school...

on another note, why is it so damn cold?! shit, i need like 5 blankets to sleep at night now! it would probably do me more good if i actually learned how to operate my heater at home, but really, i'm just too lazy. i can't even vacuum my floor, for god's sake. seriously, i feel like i can't even force myself to do things anymore, i feel just THAT lazy. i don't know why, either. i blame it on the cold weather and the fact that i have finals coming up (which only adds to the paralytic fear and procrastination tendency). good thing i finished my final paper for english last night then, that wouldn't have been something fun to look forward to on Tuesday night..

 

 
 
ann
26 November 2008 @ 01:54 pm

it's almost time for thanksgiving, yay.
unfortunately that means i will probably be set back even more in terms of my weight.. fuck
oh well, tell me something i don't know..
i'm going to vegas with my parents.
i'm 21.
this should be interesting.

 
 
ann
15 November 2008 @ 07:31 pm
I see your dirty face
Hide behind your collar
What is done, in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to God
To justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie

And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
I'm in mine

Because when I arrive
I, I bring the fire
Make you come alive
I can take you higher
What is this, forgot?
I must now remind you
Let It Rock
Let It Rock
Let It Rock
 
 
ann
15 November 2008 @ 05:16 pm
...  
i just found out that there are ridiculously large fires burning in orange county, southern California, right now.
three houses about 2 streets away from where i live are completely burnt.
my parents called to tell me that the firefighters broke our front door to see if there were people inside.
my parents are packing up all the valuables - documents, passports, photo albums. perhaps the flat screen, but i don't know if my mom can lift it all the way to the cars.
they were hosing down the backyard when i called them, but i haven't heard back from them in 40 minutes.

i'm still not sure how to react. i still can't believe this is happening.
 
 
ann
14 November 2008 @ 12:24 am
i am way too good at wasting time, especially when i have two things due tomorrow.
exceedingly good, in fact.
 
 
 
ann
09 November 2008 @ 01:39 am
dear self,
please stop spending money on shoes.
no matter how cute they are.
your wallet is flat enough. (if only you could be as skinny as it!)

sincerely,
wallet.
 
 
 
ann
07 November 2008 @ 07:55 pm

last semester was the first time that i took an Asian American Studies class, ever.
it was, quite possibly, one of the most influential classes that i've ever taken during my career at Berkeley. forget all the technical classes (which are fascinating and exceedingly difficult, don't get me wrong), but this class taught me something else - that i am an Asian American. it taught me that my identity is bound up in the stories of immigrants, of second, third generation people - and that the "model minority" stereotype could NOT be further from the truth of who we are.
because of that class, i have grown to hate the reference to Asian Americans as "model minorities." they pit us against other minorities, and compare them to us as if we are prime examples of how minorities who do not succeed in life are simply lazy or more stupid than Asian Americans. but what they forget is that there are plenty of Asian ethnicities who are also poor in America, who are not demonstrative of the model minority myth but are struggling just to establish themselves in a completely new place that already views them as nothing more than emotionless, mathematical calculators. and in a stunning display of ridiculousness, at the same time we are viewed as the model minority, Asian Americans are always the perpetual foreigners - even if we are American citizens far removed from our immigrant ancestry, we always have ulterior loyalty to our "mother country" and are ready to betray America at the slightest provocation. (hence, the internment of Japanese Americans during WWII, which can and never will be "justified," as that pathetic excuse for a minority Michelle Malkin says.) essentially, the "model minority" myth is to encourage Asian Americans to be satisfied with the status quo - to not question, to not make waves, but also to not fight back when challenged, as in when our loyalty or patriotism is called into question.
and to that, i say, with resounding effort - fuck you. i am not your model minority. i am not good at math and i don't play the piano very well. i am no less of an Asian American because i do not satisfy your stereotypical requirements. respect me for who i am, and i will do the same.

but in any case, i was musing upon the fact that this journal will likely be evolving into an Asian American blog of sorts. chronicling events, discussing impact, "WTF" moments, etc. obviously there will still be random posts about life, but i will be making an effort also to record the Asian American journey that i am living.
 

 
 
ann
06 November 2008 @ 03:05 pm
this is from one of my friend's facebook notes. she pretty much articulated my thoughts with regards to this election, only in a much more eloquent and peaceful manner than i could have expressed. i seriously have to resist the urge to be less than civil with people who voted in favor of proposition 8.. even if they did vote for obama..

Yesterday was in many regards a GREAT day. I heard strangers break into "USA" chants whenever a state was declared for Obama. I watched his victory speech with hundreds of others who whooped and cheered as if he was giving it to them in person. When Kevin and I walked home, cars drove down the street honking their horns while people everywhere celebrated right on the streets.

The only blemish in the night was that Prop 8 somehow managed to pass. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to talk about it anymore after November 4, mostly because I didn't know why it was ever an issue in the first place. I understand and respect that people have varying opinions on gay marriage, but what I cannot understand is how that translates into an amendment of California's constitution. Prop 8 was never an issue of religion; it was an issue of civil rights. Marriage in the state of California is a legal institution, meaning that people of all beliefs, even those who believe in nothing at all, are allowed to partake in it on their own terms. Yes, the Bible states that marriage should be between a man and a woman, but the Bible is not the law of all people. Bringing it into an argument about the rights of certain citizens to marry is impinging on the separation of church and state. It is denying someone the right to a marriage that is grounded in a secular state. It is failing to understand or acknowledge that marriage exists outside of the religious sphere.

Some argue that they are simply upholding the "traditional" definition of marriage. The legalization of gay marriage is an expansion, not a negation, of that definition. You cannot oppose a measure that redefines marriage by claiming that marriage was not previously defined in that way. That is the whole point of the redefinition - that is circular reasoning. I also question why those who seem so anxious about preserving the sanctity of marriage do not wage a similarly passionate war against divorce. Civil unions are not enough, not only because they do not guarantee the same rights as marriage. Either everyone should be allowed to marry, or everyone should be in a civil union. There is no such thing as separate but equal.

Prop 8 did not call for gay issues to be taught in public schools. It did not threaten to force churches to perform gay marriages. It did not move to redefine marriage in the religious sense, only the legal one. I know that Prop 8 was a difficult issue for many, especially since it may have stood in such stark contrast to their religion,
but I cannot understand nor forgive the fact that people allowed their personal beliefs to overturn the legal rights of others.

 
 
ann
01 November 2008 @ 04:06 pm
wow, this guy says everything i said below, but infinitely more eloquently. and with more class, haha.

www.bidstrup.com/marriage.htm

 
 
ann
31 October 2008 @ 06:52 pm
election day is fast approaching, and i can hardly believe it.
note about the main event: i really hope obama takes the presidency - simply because mccain's running mate, the absolutely moronic sarah palin, should never ever be allowed to have any say in running one of the most powerful and influential governments in the world. anyone who insists that they have foreign policy experience because they can "see Russia" from an island in Alaska or because Alaska is located right next to Canada is fucking ridiculous in my book. people say that bill clinton barely had any foreign policy experience either, and neither does obama, but obama has joe biden, who has a lot more experience in the sector of foreign policy. who does sarah palin have? obviously not her advisers, who haven't kept her up to speed with current events, or even bothered to send her out of the country to see the world until recently. and today there was just another story about how she said her First Amendment rights were being threatened because the mainstream media kept criticizing her every move. um, last time i checked, the First Amendment protects the right of the press to say whatever they want about public figures as long as it's not defamation or slander. and actually, the mainstream media doesn't even NEED to make up shit about palin to make her look bad - she just magically does it on her own. that being said, i feel like her nomination is still a big step for women in general - but she was definitely NOT the highest qualified female candidate for the job. seriously.

i'm still not too sure about the deal with the propositions, but i know for sure that i want to vote NO on PROP 8. and if you live in california, i am of the belief that you should vote 'No' on Prop 8 as well. prop 8 is relatively simple to understand - it seeks to eliminate gay marriage from California entirely and define marriage as strictly between man and a woman. but whatever your personal stance on gay marriage is, the government should not be allowed to legislate what "correct" pairing of genders constitutes a marriage. individual churches are already allowed by the state to perform or not perform gay marriages, and the California Superintendent already said that teachers will not have to teach about gay marriage in schools (although i don't see why that would be "bad" anyway, since we're all about the tolerance, right?). therefore, i don't really see a point to banning gay marriage - prop 8 is completely useless and abso fucking lutely discriminatory against one group of people in society who are simply born with a different sexual orientation than the majority. but let's play devil's advocate, since i'm bored at work and i don't feel like being productive.

Pro argument number 1: "Kids are just meant to be raised by both a man and a woman so they can experience the full spectrum. Being raised by just fathers or just mothers would lead the kids to miss out on seeing the entire picture and only leave them with one half of it."
And who designated that kids are "meant" to be raised by both a man and a woman? Does that mean single-parents don't do a good job with their children? Kids will also go to school, visit their friends' houses, etc. They experience the full gender spectrum in that sense, too. It's not like they're ONLY ever going to be exposed to one gender throughout their entire life, that's kind of impossible unless they become... hermits, for lack of a better term.


Pro argument number 2: "Not only are gay couples completely incapable of giving birth to their own child, but they also don’t have the correct composition needed to raise a child properly."
Infertile and elderly heterosexual couples are also incapable of giving birth to their own children. Should we ban their marriage as well? Furthermore, the ability to bear children is not a qualification for marriage - you don't need to provide proof of childbearing potential to your partner when you want to get married. Also this assumes that people should only be interested in marriage because they wish to produce children, but people get married for all sorts of reasons (or lack thereof). for example, remember Britney Spears' 55-hour marriage debacle? (or her equally disastrous marriage to KFed?) certainly there are people who will want to be married in order to have children, but that's not a reason to deny a whole group of people the right to marry based on what anatomical parts they have.


Pro argument number 3: "So because everybody deserves the right to marry who they want to marry, what about a man who insists on marrying his sister? Does he deserve the right to marry her as well? Should we allow incest marriage because everybody deserves the right to marry who they want to marry?"
Ah, the slippery slope argument. If we allow gay marriage, what's next? Incestuous marriage? Marriage to animals? Fortunately, all of this is non-sequitur with respect to Prop 8, since the text of the proposition only concerns gay marriages. However, I'm pretty sure allowing gay people to get married isn't going to inspire thousands upon thousands of heterosexuals to suddenly want to marry their relatives, or animals for that matter (although since an animal will never be a consenting adult, that won't be applicable anyway). Actually, I still continue to be puzzled by the fact that pro-Prop 8 people say that the value of their marriage will be decreased because gay people are allowed to marry. Well, let me be straight - no pun intended - this is actually pretty disturbing to me. People used to say the same exact thing about inter-racial marriage. "Our marriages will be de-valued because we're allowing blacks/asians/latinos to marry whites." Nowadays, this kind of language would be criticized to no end, but what are we doing today? We're replacing the word "black" with "gay," and attempting to deny a minority a right that heterosexuals themselves take for granted. Marriage is being devalued because heterosexuals no longer respect its sanctity; this has NOTHING to do with the fact that homosexuals want to get married. In fact, I would think that homosexuals wanting to become monogamous and have long-term relationships would actually STRENGTHEN the institution of marriage, but - oh wait - they're ... homosexual. And, by the way, a man marrying his sister or his mother is a heterosexual union. So technically, if prop 8 PASSES, incestuous marriage would still be allowed. Also, incestuous marriages have also been proven to have adverse effects on the genetics of the offspring, for example, Egyptian pharoahs and their brethren eventually all had rampant genetic disorders because they never married outside of their gene pool. A homosexual marriage would still be a marriage between two people of different genetic compositions, decreasing the chances of adversely affecting their offsprings' genes.

hm, i suppose that's it for now. if you think of more pro-Prop 8 arguments that we could discuss, feel free to let me know.
 
 
ann
25 October 2008 @ 09:39 am
i finished all of my MD secondaries this week. all i have left are DO schools, but i find that it's difficult to regain momentum after i've stopped doing something. i practically had a feverish fit of productivity on tuesday, writing six different essays each for 3 schools. it feels weird now that i'm done, because i don't have anything to do... except wait. the power is completely in the schools' hands, something i would really prefer to control, but we all can't get what we want, i suppose.. waiting stinks. in fact, the unknown in general is unpleasant. but i don't think we'll be getting around that problem anytime soon either.

went bowling last night. i haven't bowled in 10 years, i think. the first game, i scored a ridiculous(ly low, for those who are new to the whole bowling score thing) 33. and then in the second game, i scored a 111. proof that practice does make a difference.

i'm not feeling very insightful at the moment. i thought i was going to be, which was why i started writing something in the first place, but as i keep blathering on, i realize that i don't really have any new opinions to add here today, only recordings of events that have been happening. which is about as good as anything, and better than nothing.

to summarize - i hate waiting. the end.
 
 
ann

yesterday as i was sitting at the table hopelessly waiting for people to approach me and buy my breast cancer awareness pins, this old man approached me. he didn't seem homeless or anything, although a bit unkempt - his white beard was scraggly, there was dirt under his fingernails, and there was a small stain of unknown origin on his shirt. he had very clear, blue eyes, and his teeth seemed to be former victims of bacterial decay. anyway, he came up to the table with a Daily Cal and book in hand, and started bloviating about how our organization had the right idea in promoting "love" and the color "pink," but that by promoting breast cancer awareness, we were actually stimulating the perpetuation of breast cancer in the human population.

wtf? and this man said he was once a professor here? a professor of spanish, nonetheless, but still - hadn't he even had any science background?? nothing about the mutation of DNA in cells that cause the growth factors of the cells to become unchecked, which in turn cause the cells to multiply wildly out of control. nope. just - "thinking about something causes it."

so i asked him, what about getting into medical school? so if i just tell myself that i will get into medical school, i'll get in? and he was like, "yup, just like that." 

it was odd because as weird and random as this old man was, i couldn't help but see where he was coming from. positive thinking is usually the way to get one's goals accomplished. negative thinking only serves to detract and make the process more inefficient. and yet i feel like i've gone through most of my life getting places by thinking 80% negatively and only 20% positively. mainly because i'm afraid to think more positively. it's not realistic to me. it only sets yourself up for disappointment.

but what is the root of disappointment? vested interest. if your vested interest isn't that deep, then you'll be able to move on faster, more efficiently..

i will get into medical school. i will get into medical school. i will get into medical school. breathe.

 
 
 
 

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